1. There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. 2. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic. 3. Never feed your cat anything that doesn't match the carpet. 4. Cat's motto: "No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it." 5. Dogs have owners, cats have staff. 6. You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for...