Wondering if anyone has some advice... My wife is not altogether psychologically...
We have a 3 mos. old poodle. I'm doing great training him so far (I think...) House training
is touch and go but he can come, sit and stay... and is begining to have a sense of the rules of the house... however.. one firm rule I'm trying to teach him is that the kitchen is NO GO... He understands this when I'm home alone... and learned it merely through the use of the words NO, STAY and GOOD BOY. (Its a very small kitchen... and its no fun trying to cook while having to avoid tripping over a small puppy... not mention other accidents waiting to happen.) In the case that I'm home he obediently sits in front of the entrance and watches me but doesn't go in.Problem is... everytime I walk past the kitchen, he's in there with my wife. Tonight she was even letting him play chase the rag. I told her to tell him NO and get him out immediately and she just gigled and said, "No! No!" and let him chase the rag and everytime I took him out continued to bait him with chase the rag and say "no!" while gigling. Finally I picked him up and said no... but I realized it was futile, because the message is that I don't want him in the kitchen...

but its o.k. when my wife is in there.. So he went running back in... It happened several times, so finally I grabbed him by the scruff... he yelped and went running to the other side of the house and sat in the corner... and has stayed far from the kitchen since tonight. (Actually my wife seems to be playing a game that by winning his affection, for example by never disciplining him and feeding him treats from the table she can win his favor... Then if I have to discipline him, she comforts him.)
What I'm wondering though is how to handle this problem... Theoretically speaking I think my wife needs to get the scruffing, but I'm not that type of alpha male... still... (Does anybody else have similar problems and ways of dealing with it?)
I also wonder about scruffing - - The message if anything I'm trying to get out is the kitchen is not a fun and enjoyable place and bad things happen in there. (With my wife's tendency to leave electrical and extension chords dangling I think its a good lesson.) - - anyway, after I did it I asked him to do a trick, praised him vigorously, gave him a treat and we played.) Do you think this is too severe though???
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(Actually my wife seems to be playing a game that by winning his affection, for example by never disciplining him and feeding him treats from the table she can win his favor... Then if I have to discipline him, she comforts him.)

This is typical of many "dog problems" - they are actually PEOPLE problems. This is an issue between your and your wife, not a dog behavior problem.
When you say your wife is not all together in the psych department, is she actually mentally ill? If so, you really have to pick your battles and understand your wife. Consult with a psychiatrist, not a dog behavior group.

Janet Boss
www.bestfriendsdogobedience.com
(Actually my wife seems to be playing a game that ... Then if I have to discipline him, she comforts him.)

This is typical of many "dog problems" - they are actually PEOPLE problems. This is an issue between your and ... to pick your battles and understand your wife. Consult with a psychiatrist, not a dog behavior group. Janet Bosswww.bestfriendsdogobedience.com

Janet is right. It's not a problem with the dog, it's a problem between you and your wife. Gee it's sounds like she has a lot of faults.
Was getting the dog a mutual decision? Is she involved in the training?
It sounds to me like you're very controlling and not letting her any space.
Think about it. Maybe you're not as nice to her as you are to the dog. Have a great day!
Linda
It sounds to me like you're very controlling and not letting her any space.

I think that's a little rude... Maybe you might want to get some manner training - - and before you make comments like that have a better understanding of the situation or learn how to state it as if you had a social rearing in a human environment... Are you suggesting its normal dog rearing tactics to feed the dog from the table... leave medicine boxes on the floor in puppy proofed playing areas and allow a dog in a room with an extension chord hanging from a slow cooker and another extension chord.
The decision to get the dog was my wife's not mine... I wanted one... but there's a difference between wanting a dog and the circumstances being right... That said, I am happy we have the dog... Yes it is a therapy issue... but in the meantime my question is how to raise a dog in a sitaution where a member of the family isn't participating in the therapy. (My wife does have a diagnosed problem.)
Are you suggesting its normal dog rearing tactics to feed the dog from the table...

Some folks do, in fact. My aunt's dog has been fed from the table by my grandma to the extent that she the dog thinks it's okay to put her front feet on the table. My grandma is a lot of things, but she isn't "bad" or "not altogether psychologically" (whatever that means).
leave medicine boxes on the floor in puppy proofed playing areas

Maybe your wife would benefit from a live-in caretaker? Someone besides you, I mean, as you are clearly incapable of the job. Really, if she's mentally disabled to the extent that she endangers the life of your dog, then it may be time to get help, or to at least rehome the dog.
and allow a dog in a room with an extension chord hanging from a slow cooker and another extension chord.

Maybe you should be doing the cooking, instead of your wife?
The decision to get the dog was my wife's not mine...

Again, if she is the sort of danger to others that you are describing, why is she allowed to make the decision to get a dog?
but in the meantime my question is how to raise a dog in a sitaution where a member of the family isn't participating in the therapy. (My wife does have a diagnosed problem.)

You don't. If your wife is endangering the dog's life, then the dog should be separated from her, at least until your wife's behavior is under control.

Shelly
http://www.cat-sidh.net (the Mother Ship)
http://esther.cat-sidh.net (Letters to Esther)
my question is how to raise a dog in a sitaution where a member of the family isn't participating

Some things that you want to see happen aren't going to happen because you and your wife aren't on the same page and dogs understand that different rules apply to different humans.
I don't think that scruff grabbing or shaking is going to get you where you want to go.
We trained our last puppy to live in rooms with junk on the floor, with extension cords, etc. because that's what life is like in our house.

The best you can do is be consistent with the pup and work on training in short bits every day. It would probably be optimal to go to obedience training as a family so you can all learn training techniques, plus this gives you more opportunity to talk with your wife about what house rules you want for the dog.
Your wife is probably not going to be compliant, but your calm, steady training of the dog will be very helpful.
Janet, My wife is not participating in the training... and will only play with him...
I am sure this is a common problem in many households... I remember I used to visit my friend's houses and to their horror feed the
dog from the table (often more than I ate.)
My worry is for the dog's safety PERIOD...
The only rules I have in the house that doors to rooms the dog shouldn't be in are kept shut...
NOTHING is left on the floor in the puppy's play area (unless its meant to be chewed on and/or possible digested.)
No feeding the dog from the table.
Do not allow the dog to jump on the table or sit on your lap while eating.
(All of these rules are routinely broken!)
I don't think any of these rules are extreme...
What I'm wondering though is how to handle this problem...

Go here:
http://www.counsel-search.com /
You'll find all the help you need!
If somehow that doesn't work out for you, go here:

http://www.abanet.org/family /
Good luck!

Handsome Jack Morrison
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http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives/2007/08/dumb liberal lo.html

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(Email Removed) spoke these words of wisdom in @m37g2000prh.googlegroups.com:
Janet, My wife is not participating in the training... and will only play with him... I am sure this is ... your lap while eating. (All of these rules are routinely broken!) I don't think any of these rules are extreme...

Nope. I don't have a problem with your goals, but I really don't know how to deal with difficult spouses.
i think you seem to have grounded objectives and wonderful patience, as`\ well as being a good supportive husband in a stressed situation. Good Luck
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