Hey guys! Do you know any jokes about cats? Or maybe funny stories? If yes, let's share them!

By the way, if you know an anecdote about cats popular in your country, feel free to write it here, too. I'd love to know how people joke about cats in other countries. Emotion: smile
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I'll start this series. Emotion: wink

Here are some anecdotes.

- How to convince a woman to keep on walking if a black cat crossed her way?
- It's easier to persuade the cat to come back.

- What else does a kitty need for happiness but a can of Whiskas?
- Well, just a little can-opener.

- Calm down your cat! He was so vocal yesterday that my daughter had to cease her music lesson!
- I am sorry, madam, but your daughter was the one who started it all.

A mouse heard a cat meow and lurked in a burrow. Then it heard a dog bark. The mouse thought, "If there's a dog around, the cat must have gone. Now I can come out." The cat caught the mouse right away and thought contentedly, "How great it is to know a foreign language!"
This is one of my favourites (cat prayer):

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To NEVER tell a human that
The world is really ruled by CATS!

(Author Unknown)
What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.
What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrple!
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.
How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
Thanks, guys! Made me laugh. Emotion: big smile Here's also something amusing I ran across:

Myths and facts about cats

Myth: Cats eyes shine at night because they are casting out the light they gather during the day.
Fact: Nonsense. How can we gather daylight when our eyes are closed sleeping all day?


Myth: When a cat's whiskers droop, rain is coming.
Fact: When a cat's whiskers droop, rain is here. The whiskers are wet.


Myth: If you want to keep a cat from straying, put butter on its paws.
Fact: I won't stray because you won't be here to open the door. You will be in the hospital as a result of your attempt to butter my paws.


Myth: If a cat sneezes near a bride on her wedding day she will have a happy marriage.
Fact: 4-in-5 marriages end in divorce. Not a lot of sneezing going on, huh? Maybe they ought to rewrite that one and make it 'coughs hairballs.'


Myth: Stepping over a cat brings bad luck.
Fact: Actually, worse luck. It exposes your most vulnerable areas just in case you miss and step on us.


Myth: Cats always land on their feet.
Fact: Yeah? Then explain the bumps on my head.
ElwingMyth: If you want to keep a cat from straying, put butter on its paws.
Fact: I won't stray because you won't be here to open the door. You will be in the hospital as a result of your attempt to butter my paws.


Myth: If a cat sneezes near a bride on her wedding day she will have a happy marriage.
Fact: 4-in-5 marriages end in divorce. Not a lot of sneezing going on, huh? Maybe they ought to rewrite that one and make it 'coughs hairballs.'


Those are my favs! Emotion: big smile

My turn:

Q: What is a cat's favourite car?
A: The Catillac.

Q: What do you call a cat penny?
A: A purr cent.

Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat?
A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.

Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a mewseum.
Rotfl good ones! Here are some of my favs:

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:
- Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
- No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
- You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
- Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.
- No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.
- Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
- Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.
- Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.
- Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.
- Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.
Conclusion:

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
Hey all,
Nice jokes. I don't have any stories or jokes, but I have a funny picture:
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