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I was starting to consider telling people they could come over if, and only if, they would participate in the dog thing. If they didn't want to, no hard feelings, just stay at home. Seemed so harsh, I am that desperate.

You don't need them to train the dog. Don't let the dog treat you or anyone in your house that way and obedience train her so she listens to you and you will be able to keep a lot of it from happening in the first place and call her away from the rest.
Thanks so much for the advice. The leash! I tried the leash thing with my assistant for a good long ... was incredibly erratic) and it didn't seem to work as well at all. Maybe the key word there is erratic.

Erratic never works very well. You said you had got pregnant? Get used to consistency now because erratic will kill you when it comes to your child as well. Your dog needs to know what is expected and not have to guess because sometimes one things works and other times it doesn't. They don't speak human, so you have to tell them what is allowed and what is not allowed by your behavior. Sometimes doesn't translate well.
Now, as for dog training class. OK. Did the personal trainor thing (dropped the ball on the follow up with ... know how to work with the dog, will the class help? Maybe I should go back to the behavior gal.[/nq]Go to obedience classes, with the behaviorist or personal trainer or someone else. It's not just about knowing how to work with the dog. There is a ton more. A lot of training has to do with timing, for example, and it really helps to have someone on the outside reading your cues and your timing to help you determine if you are sending the message you think you are sending to your dog. Classes have the added advantage of allowing you to work with your dog on listening to you and following your rules even when there are exciting new people and dogs around to distract him, which is what you need to deal with the visitor thing.

You wanted to know how to get people to help you train your dog to behave around strangers? You can find a whole bunch of strangers who are likely to help you with your dog's training at an obedience class.

Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay
And as I've said here before, Zoe is really happier when I'm firmly in charge she is clearly less anxious.

Catherine, I was just noticing how far you and your dogs have come over a fairly short time. You could be a poster child for how training smarter can really pay off. Congrats!

Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay
And as I've said here before, Zoe is really happier when I'm firmly in charge she is clearly less anxious.

Catherine, I was just noticing how far you and your dogs have come over a fairly short time. You could be a poster child for how training smarter can really pay off. Congrats!

Well, the thought did occur to me "who am I to be giving advice???" But I did have a similar situation as the OP with Zoe. She and I were doing well before Queenie arrived and after some initial stumbling we are all doing pretty well now. Queenie has been an amazingly fast learner so I give her most of the credit.

Catherine
& Zoe & Queenie
I guess the issue is that when the assistant is ... and if necessary, stand behind the gate) and she doesn't.

unfortunately, as you've found, you can't make others behave reasonably. i know how frustrating it is to have someone undermine ... that allows or encourages your dog to misbehave, it undoes the work you've done. they're counter-training your dog for you.[/nq]OK, so, practical advice. The assistant is coming in today and the housekeeper. I have a gate blocking off my office so Chloe can't get out. I also have a crate in here. So do I put her in the crate so the assistant and housekeeper can come and go as they need without my having to stop work to deal and thus it is consistent that if she wants to see people she is calm and I am with her and in control? Do I cover the crate with a sheet or blanket so she is contained in a cocoon and not so apt to get excited? If I do Do I leave her out in my office and let her get all excited when Stela comes to say hi (includes peeing all over the floor, etc.)? Do I leash the dog next to my desk and when Stela or housekeeper come into my office I start training? With treats making her sit/stay or with a no/pop leash when she starts going?
OK. I was a day only. A DAY. But I started putting everyone's advice to work. I crated Chloe when the assistant and housekeeper came in and I sort of covered up the thing so it was cave-like. She didn't spend all day scratching and trying to get out to jump on everyone. We did a lot of extraneous sit/stay work and some fun (is it fun for her? who cares, it is fun for me) roll overs. Most important, when we got back from the beach and the assistant was in my office, I distracted Chloe away with treats and made her sit/stay.

It was FAR from perfect but also FAR from jumping and peeing all over. In fact, there was no peeing all over at all (maybe because there wasn't an opportunity to get excited). I also did sit/stay when the work guy came in the front door, moving myself in front of Chloe to block her way and saying sit/stay and treating when she did. It kinda worked (worked enough for a first day to be sure!).
Also, called the behavior gal, scheduled an appointment and told her that her method of telling the assistant to turn and walk away wasn't working and it had to come from the dog. I called Anti-Cruelty and got on the list for the next set of classes. I think we are well on our way. For those reading the "Dog/Dork" string, I want to say upfront, just like learning to pee in the right place took a year, I am setting a goal of end of the summer that my dog can "be" with people in my house with the realistic understanding that it will probably take a year and training will go on for the rest of our lives (just better, less stressed out training than has happened, erratically, so far).

Thanks.
OK. I was a day only. A DAY. But I started putting everyone's advice to work. I crated Chloe when ... on for the rest of our lives (just better, less stressed out training than has happened, erratically, so far). Thanks.

It sounds like you have a great plan and have made some excellent changes already.
If Chloe is anything like Zoe Emotion: smile then she probably does enjoy doing tricks. Zoe is a bit of a clown, so if I laugh at something she will do it again and again. She also thrives on structure, so if I ask her to do things and she does them and gets praise, she just seems happier. What is that saying, about balancing each correction with 10 (or is it more?) instances of praise? It's not just good for the dog, it also helps the person to look for all the ways in which her/his dog is excellent.

The one thing I would add at this point is to remember that you will probably encounter giant steps backward along the way. This seems to especially happen when the owner has slacked off in some way, at least in my case. Emotion: smile And some dogs move forward more smoothly than others. My Zoe is a real tester and will take advantage of any slacking I do, while Queenie seems more motivated to please me, and has learned an incredible amount in a relatively short period of time.

Catherine
& Zoe & Queenie
I think we are well on our way.

This is great news. I'm glad you're learning to teach your dog focus and self control without needing everyone else's assistance.

The following are parts copied from one of the handouts we give to our clients (so NO reprinting without permission please): **

Communicating with your dog depends upon the quality of the attention she is used to giving you.
By doing a simple exercise combined with hand feeding your dog her meals, you can greatly increase your dog's inclination and ability to give you her full attention. The immediate goal of this exercise is to teach your dog that it is ok to make eye contact with you. (Dogs generally avoid eye contact because they consider it confrontational). We want your dog to learn that eye contact is rewarding, something she can rely on to produce good things. A dog that pays attention is an easier dog to train because she is inclined to look to YOU for direction.
(note to emalloy: this is where, IMO your behaviorist really and truly missed the boat. I'm rather surprised that her only technique required others to do the work for you. Others can be an aid* to training, but are never the *foundation of it. Is she really a "behaviorist"? That is a specific term that means a specific thing)
Using your dog's daily meals is a great way to incorporate attention exercises into daily life. By following these guidelines you should start to see results in a short time.
Begin by holding "Gracie's" food bowl in your lap or by having it close by, but out of Gracie's reach. Make sure you are in a place with NO other distractions. Hold a few pieces of her food in your hand. Wait for her to look away from the food and make eye contact with you (this may take a few minutes at first) and the very moment she glances at you say "Yes!" and give her the food in your hand.
At this stage all you will ask for is a glance. You will ignore everything except her looking into your eyes.
Take another handful of food from her bowl and wait for eye contact. Feed her the rest of her meal the same way- rewarding glancing at your eyes. For the first two or three days, all you will ask is that Gracie make eye contact- she doesn't have to maintain it.

The next step is to have her prolong the amount of time she maintains eye contact with you- you will still be feeding her in a place with no distractions. At first, ask for a few seconds: when Gracie looks at you, count One Mississippi, Two Mississippi and then give her the food in your hand. If she breaks eye contact, start over. Increase the amount of time you ask her to maintain attention very gradually so that success leads to more success.
Once Gracie has become very good at giving you her attention you can begin to add distractions. A simple distraction would be for someone already present to walk around the room next to where you are feeding her (note to emalloy: this would be where your assistant could..well, assist you in your training!). A more difficult distraction would be to have someone enter the room where you are feeding her. Finally, you should be able to go outside around world distractions and have Gracie maintain eye contact while you feed her.
Follow My Lead Dog Training New York, NY
Thanks!
But one thing in response to this:
(note to emalloy: this is where, IMO your behaviorist really and truly missed the boat. I'm rather surprised that her only technique required others to do the work for you. Others can be an aid* to training, but are never the *foundation of it. Is she really a "behaviorist"? That is a specific term that means a specific thing)
I wonder if it was her boat missing or my bad listening! Because when I called her and said "come back" and told her about the assistant "falling down on the job" the first thing out of her mouth was" you had her on a leash..." as in "didn't you?" So, note to anyone who may think that the advice they are getting is repetition of what they are already doing...here is a great case where I thought I was doing what I was told and I WASN'T! I AM BRAIN DAMAGED! NOT MY DOG!
Anyway, the behavior person did talk about eye contact (so not a problem), it is Chloe's greatest strength next to being cute. Today she went berserk at the beach when I bent down to hug another dog and was jumping on me and nipping ME! So I said SIT! DOWN! and we had a stare-off (Chloe isn't aggressive at all, overexcited yes, but a submissive peer and misdirected). When it was clear that I had her calmed down and she was clear that that was so not cool, I said free and threw the ball again.

BUT! Read between the lines! We were at the beach! I told her to sit/down/stay and she did!! YAYAY! Before I woulda just turned and walked away. Chloe is a good'en and I think that she responds better to clear dit/down/stay/evil eye because she understands that better than just turning and walking away (what I was trying to do before). I think, for Chloe, the former is "YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!" The latter is I am going to walk away and not tell you why.
@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com:
Before I woulda just turned and walked away. Chloe is a good'en and I think that she responds better to clear dit/down/stay/evil eye because she understands that better than just turning and walking away (what I was trying to do before).[/nq]This is a really good point that was for some reason surprising to me when I got Queenie dogs learn differently and it can be a challenge to figure out what works and to try something new if one's first (or second, etc) method doesn't work. For instance, Queenie likes and needs more verbal feedback from me than Zoe did I realized the other week that I wasn't telling her enough when she was doing the right thing while attempting to teach her loose-leash walking (it's taking a bit of time!).

Zoe likes praise, but if you praise her when she's walking pretty, she seems to think something like "oh yeah? well, if you like THAT you are really going to love THIS" and commences running, or jumping, or something that she thinks is really much better than the sedate stroll I am praising. Queenie on the other hand really responds well to praise and likes feedback as to what she is doing and has a higher level of eagerness to please.

Catherine
& Zoe & Queenie