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But here's the difference between Leah and you. She's getting braver all the time.

Michael, my attitude has nothing to do with how "brave" I am. I'll tell you exactly why I didn't speak up this much until recently. It wasn't until recently that I was able to see the whole picture this clearly.

ahhh, yes,
the big picture, that's my specialty.
I'm going to try not to brag and tell you
that I've seen it all along, but that's not
like me.
Once I could see the way the dynamics operated, I could better avoid being drawn into the endless vortex of context twisting. And point it out. It wasn't until I started seeing that I saw that you saw. :}

I see...
I mean I've seen all along Emotion: wink

this is michael
reporting live...
http://dogtv.com
Development of multiple personalities is not uncommon in sexual abuse. Other severe child abuse too, I guess. Is she in therapy?

Yes, but I'm concerned. She had trouble finding therapists she trusted (with very good reason), and the last time I talked to her she was moving.

Can you tell me her first name? Or make one up. I'll add her to a prayer list or two.
Mustang Sally
E.g., "Look, you little ***, get your homework done or you're never going to see the light of day again!"

Compare that to, "Look, you little ***, I never wanted you in the first place. If you want to live, you'll get out of my face now."

Oh, I had a little of that, too.
The underlying message in your statement is "We care enough about you to force you to do your homework."

You bet.
What's the underlying message in the second statement?

The message is what you make it.
It's really not the same thing at all.

Perhaps not. But parenting isn't easy work, Leah (trust me, I know firsthand!), and we all lose it from time to time.

It's what we/they do all the rest of the time that matters most.

And most of the time, my parents were very loving and caring.

Handsome Jack Morrison
*gently remove the detonator to reply via e-mail
World's Smallest Constituency endorses Bush!
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A Time For Manhood:
http://www.nypost.com/postopinion/opedcolumnists/26628.htm

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This thread is starting to remind me of the many ... I rescued him from his horrible life." Phooey, I say.

The difference is that my ex's background is known.

Well, I didn't mean to limit this to just your ex, Paula, but that was my fault, for using your alias, etc.
Just consider it generic abuse.
Some of those dogs really were abused even if others were not but people like to believe they were.

It's precisely that "believing they were abused" phenomenon that I was talking about.
I think some of the same psychology may be at work here.

Some of us want to "believe" that some kind of previous abuse was involved, because it somehow relieves us of our responsibility to take it from here.

Handsome Jack Morrison
*gently remove the detonator to reply via e-mail
World's Smallest Constituency endorses Bush!
1.html
A Time For Manhood:
http://www.nypost.com/postopinion/opedcolumnists/26628.htm

The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Little Green Footballs http://nicedoggie.net / http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog / Glenn Reynolds - InstaPundit Mark Steyn http://www.instapundit.com / http://www.steynonline.com / The Belmont Club Michelle Malkin http://belmontclub.blogspot.com / http://michellemalkin.com / Don Luskin Rightwing News http://www.poorandstupid.com/chronicle.asp http://www.rightwingnews.com / The Indepundit Victor Davis Hanson-Private Papers http://www.lt-smash.us / http://victorhanson.com/index.html
Some of us want to "believe" that some kind of previous abuse was involved, because it somehow relieves us of our responsibility to take it from here.
My personal philosophy is that even if the abuse is real, it does not relieve anyone of their responsibility to take it from there or the reality that only they can take it from there. I had a good friend who was sexually abused by her stepfather and then blamed by her mother for the family's financial hardships when the man finally went to jail for it (and the girl hadn't even reported it, someone else saw things and did). The strange thing about abuse is that it convinces people like that they are at fault for what was done to them as kids and yet they don't have the power to change it.

I was always telling her she had it backward. All of the problems she had, and yes, I will say I agreed with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder diagnosis she had been given, were out of her control. She was a kid, for crying out loud, who was dependent on the very people who screwed her up to protect her. OTOH, what she did with what she was given for the adult years of her life that followed was under her control. The damage done to her was so severe that I don't think she ever could have been without some pretty serious scars, just like some physical wounds scar and some don't, but to the extent that there was help available to her to turn her life into something better, it was her responsibility to take advantage of that help and do it.

Even when how someone got to where they are was not their responsibility, where they go from there is. I don't think accepting that harm was done negates personal responsibility in emotional abuse cases any more than accepting that physical injury caused a knee problem, for example, negates personal responsibility. It may have changed your ultimate goal from basketball player to something less knee intensive, but success in some form is still up to the person to create for him or herself, with the help of physical therapists or psychotherapists or anyone else who can help mitigate the damage done.

Paula
"The smell of burning rubber chickens and
singed roller-skating chimps will teach a man to hate." swt
Some of us want to "believe" that some kind of ... relieves us of our responsibility to take it from here.

My personal philosophy is that even if the abuse is real, it does not relieve anyone of their responsibility to take it from there or the reality that only they can take it from there.

i just have to point out that most people who were abused feel responsible not only for their problems, but for the problems of everyone around them. if anything, they feel more responsible for their lives than those who had normal childhoods.
it takes a LOT of therapy to start to understand that we can't control everything, that we aren't responsible for everything, and that we don't have to feel bad/responsible for everything that happens around us.

-kelly
My personal philosophy is that even if the abuse is ... the reality that only they can take it from there.

i just have to point out that most people who were abused feel responsible not only for their problems, but ... that we aren't responsible for everything, and that we don't have to feel bad/responsible for everything that happens around us.

My friend would do anything for anyone else in the world, and take the blame if she couldn't do enough to fix it. But when it came to herself, she was not worth doing anything for and was so bad to the bone that even if she did try, nothing would change for her, in her mind. If her stepfather hadn't already died by the time I met her, I would have been tempted to hunt him down and shoot him. The way he and her mom killed her spirit was much worse than anything anyone could do to her body. She ended up dead from complications of anorexia.

Paula
"The smell of burning rubber chickens and
singed roller-skating chimps will teach a man to hate." swt
Can you tell me her first name? Or make one up. I'll add her to a prayer list or two.

I'll give you one of her names. :} Maggie.
Thank you.
Canine Action Dog Trainer
http://www.canineaction.com
My Kids, My Students, My Life:
http://hometown.aol.com/dfrntdrums/myhomepage/index.html
Man, I really wish someone would go postal on me. And crossposted it to a.r.k. That would be AWESOME!

I've been working on it,but you're just too damn slippery and schmart.
Plus,when I applied for a job at the Post Office I apparently didn't have enough hatred for the Department of Hate.
Terri

For that you need Twinkies and lunch meat. Eternity through preservatives.

Terry Von Gease
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